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Top 10 Disney Movies
Before you start throwing Mickey Mouse ears at us, be aware that the following supercalifragilisticexpialidocious list is dedicated to live-action Disney movies. Repeat: live-action Disney. While some of the inclusions may feature moments of animation, these ten Disney rippers are predominently made up of cavorting outside of a cartoon frame. So, Tinkerbell, let us begin…
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl
(2003)
When Disney announced it planned to make a two-and-a-half hour film out of a 5-minute theme park ride, we were all understandably sceptical. Nay, we were out-and-out dismissive. We expected loads of kitsch and characters so family-friendly they’d turn dangerous sea dogs into lovable sea pups. What a pleasant surprise it was, then, when this film turned out to be a swashbuckling success. Aside from creating one of the greatest on-screen personas of all-time in Captain Jack Sparrow, Curse Of The Black Pearl went places that no Disney film had ever dared to go before (and earned the studio’s first mature rating for all its efforts). It was adventurous, action-packed and undeniably funny. A true triple threat, if you will. And it plundered the box office like no one’s business. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
Mary Poppins
(1964)
This magical musical romp through sidewalk paintings and London slums set the bar impossibly high for all subsequent films about nannies and their spoiled, rosy-cheeked charges (a vast movie genre, you understand). Some of Disney’s most ingenious moments are in this Oscar-winning masterpiece, including the tea party on the ceiling and Dick Van Dyke’s surprisingly well choreographed chimney sweep dance (pity about the accent, Guv). Thanks to the hauntingly beautiful voice of Julie Andrews - which sticks in your mind like a spoon full of sugar sticks in your teeth - the songs written for this film have become legendary. How many children have gleefully swallowed a bitter spoonful of cough syrup with the help of a certain super secret ingredient? How many middle-aged men have flown a kite after catching the infectious gaiety of Mr. Banks? How many people looked up supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in the dictionary and felt utterly lied to when it wasn’t there?
Tron
(1982)
For computer hackers and video-game addicted kids everywhere, this movie is the stuff dreams are made of. Part Johnny Quest, part Pac Man on steroids, Tron dug deep into the imagination of a world on the verge of a technological revolution. In 1982, cyberspace was still the great unknown, and the folks at Disney were right to believe it was man’s manifest destiny to explore the world behind the screen. The digital effects were just as ahead of the times as the concept and, even today, this neon-coloured futuretechno orgy will blow your unworthy mind. The upcoming, and completely unnecessary, Tron sequel better not make it “game over” for our Tron love.
Old Yeller
(1957)
Possibly the most depressing film ever made, but a true Disney classic all the same. Young Travis Coates loves his dog, Yeller, as fiercely as any child loves their first pet. The bond is further cemented as Yeller continually rescues his master from bears, boars and a range of other wild animals. Anyone with a soul is thus reduced to childlike blubbering when Travis – spoiler alert! – is forced to shoot man’s best friend after he contracts rabies. Though not likely to give you the warm fuzzies, it will teach you and your progeny an important lesson about the circle of life. It will also traumatize everyone under the age of seven, so keep that in mind on family movie night. Still, did we mention it’s a classic - and the kids do have to learn.
Heavyweights
(1995)
The first feature film written by Judd Apatow. Need we say more? OK, well, this little-seen corker also features Ben Stiller as psychotic fitness guru Tony Perkis, more than a decade before his Dodgeball douche bag White Goodman. Perkis’ PerkiSystem inflicts major pain on a ragtag bunch of kids at fat camp, and any doubts about the epic magnitude of this guy’s craziness are quickly put to rest when he lies on a bed of nails and allows his über-obedient sidekick Lars to break a block of ice over his abs of steel. Other highlights include an all-night-long junk food-a-thon, and the makeshift cage of chicken wire and bug zappers that’s used to imprison a totally whacked-out Perkis. This obscure Disney treat is pure cinematic gold, we guarantee it.
Honey I Shrunk The Kids
(1989)
Admit it, after seeing this movie, you totally wished you could be miniaturised. The chance to take an epic journey in the comfort of your own backyard seemed like exactly the kind of awesomeness that would make your life complete. The thrill of danger and the possibility of giving CPR to your hot, soaking-wet neighbour made this plan all the more enticing. Seriously, though, HISTK was a supremely innovative production for a studio that usually cops out of pricey special effects by animating its most imaginative projects. This film was like looking at everyday life through a magnifying glass. With Rick Moranis. It made the ordinary into something quite extraordinary, and isn’t that what filmmaking is all about? Testify.
Escape To Witch Mountain
(1975)
In order for a film to warrant a big-budget remake, the original has to be pretty damn good…. OK, that’s not exactly gospel, but the first Witch Mountain movie did become a cult classic and was decidedly creepy in the best possible family-friendly ways. Telekinetic twins Tony and Tia - whose Aryan looks and piercing gazes give Damien and Regan a run for their money - are adopted by fantastically named millionaire Aristotle Bolt, a sketchy old man who wants to harness their powers for personal use. A grieving widower (who’s not half as charismatic as Dwayne Johnson in the breezy new Race To Witch Mountain) eventually helps them find the spacecraft that will transport them to a galaxy far, far away. Not before a healthy dose of scenes so eerie they will make you feel as though you’re being watched. You may want to keep the lights on.
101 Dalmations
(1996)
Sure, live-action versions of popular comic books have really come into their own lately, but rarely does one see a successful live-action remake of a popular animated film. Luckily for the team behind the live-action version of 101 Dalmations, Cruella De Vil was so much better in the flesh. As the fur-loving super villainess, Glenn Close was every bit as scary and eccentric as her hand-drawn predecessor, but she also had a much better wardrobe and a killer crazy laugh that had Dalmatian puppies everywhere shaking in their spots. How they trained so many canine actors, we’ll never know. Thanks to PETA, though, we can be sure that, despite blatant themes of animal cruelty, no animals were harmed in the making of this film.
The Mighty Ducks
(1992)
Surprisingly more heart-warming than Miracle, this against-all-odds tale of a champion youth ice hockey team had all the elements of a successful ’90s film. There were oodles of teen-actors-on-the-verge (including Dawson’s Creek veteran Joshua Jackson), bad guys who appeared only to deliver a few menacing one-liners, and once-respectable actors like Emilio Estevez taking their résumé down a notch in the spirit of good, clean fun. Plus, it gave us the knuckle puck, which we know you tried to teach yourself, and the flying V, which remains the only skating formation most people think of when they take to the ice. The sequels weren’t half bad, but they weren’t half good, either.
Cool Runnings
(1993)
If you were alive in 1988, you may have seen the Jamaican bobsled team compete at the Calgary Olympics. After all, they were so unlikely to win that they instantly became a fan favourite – and the subject of a feel-good flick from the long-time underdog supporters at Disney. As far as inspiring sports movies go, Cool Runnings was surprisingly funny, perhaps because John Candy (may he rest in peace) and his wacky quartet of would-be gold medallists seemed always in on the joke. The kind of shameless stereotyping that would spark protests today is what makes this film so darn memorable. Just goes to show, they sure don’t make ‘em like they used to.
Sam Barbosa
